Loneliness is not the same thing as being alone; loneliness can also be an emotion. Why does this feeling pop up when you have friends around you, and what does it really mean?Even though it is a normal emotion, there’s some advice that is important to follow to avoid the feeling of loneliness makeing you pull away and isolate yourself.

Be aware of your own thoughts

An emotion is usually the result of a thought, and thoughts can often be over-exaggerated or incorrect. If you’re out with friends and still feel lonely, you might be wondering why you’re feeling this way. Everyone else is smiling and laughing, and it doesn’t look like they’re feeling lonely.Is there something wrong with me? Do they think I’m different? Was I only invited out of habit, or because they feel bad for me?

This is an example of a totally normal thought many people have, but that doesn’t mean that the thought is true. It’s actually just your own interpretations, or hypotheses on why you’re feeling lonely. Because you don’t understand it.

Dare to let others be close to you

Closeness is the groundwork of a friendship. Closeness is about being seen as you are, both strong and vulnerable. And to achieve that, you have to let others inside your facade.To show vulnerability is to tell about something that concerns you, something you’re unsure about, something you regret, something that makes you angry or sad. Not necessarily so that others can help you, but so that they can come closer to you. Closer to how you think and feel. It’s easier for others to understand you if you show emotions.Think about this: 

• Could it be that the loneliness you feel is a longing for closeness?
• Is it that you think others have a perception of you that you feel doesn’t correspond totally with how you see yourself?
• Are you often the patient listener, who the others open up for and look for comfort with?
• Do you often not bother your friends with “your problems” - they have enough worries themselves?
• Or do you think that maybe there’s no point in sharing your own problems, they can’t be solved anyway?

If you hide your vulnerability, you’re probably doing it to protect yourself. Maybe you’re afraid of being rejected, or that they will use it against you later, or have an answer that hurts you. This is totally normal, and it can take some time and trying out before you feel like it is something safe and close.  If you dare to open up to a friend, it’s also easier for your friend to be vulnerable with you, and to show that they care about you.